Recognition or Acceptance

My therapist thinks it's recognition I seek
Minimizing my PTSD so to speak
"Won't get any praise from the VA"
Is what my therapist had to say

Exiting the plane from Vietnam
I just wanted to get home to see mom
Didn't really know what to expect
Never dreamt I'd receive such disrespect
Was I seeking recognition then?

Hospitalized for shell shock in 71 & 73
Before PTSD was yet to be
Stress so great I was bleeding inside
All support back then was fully denied
Was I seeking recognition then?

Didn't know what to do with myself
Put my emotions away on the shelf
Decided to run for the next 45 years
But now here come the tears
Was I seeking recognition then?

Tears have hit me seemingly overnight
Impressive what a change PTSD can incite
This is nothing I asked for
Just long term side affects of a lousy war
Was I seeking recognition then?

When I stay in bed all day from depression
Or when I speak with a lot of aggression
When I can't do my work all day
Because my concentration goes away
Am I seeking recognition then?

When I startle in fear
Thinking danger is near
When I sit in a defensive position
To anticipate the opposition
Am I seeking recognition then?

When I don't go to movies or watch TV
Because of what I might hear or see
When I shop in the middle of the night
Because I'm so uptight
Am I seeking recognition then?

When I have nightmares that awaken me
And get me up at three
When I have intrusive thoughts during the day
The horrible images they portray
Am I seeking recognition then?

When I volunteer at the Medal of Honor Museum
I'm not working in a colosseum
I'm as secluded as I can be
No one ever sees me
Am I seeking recognition then?

Through the decades I have even established recognition
Support for our troops was my personal mission
I would be at the airport when our troops flew in
Even when none were next of kin
Am I seeking recognition then?

Perhaps my therapist is confusing acceptance with recognition
I've already stated that seeking camaraderie was an ambition
Trying to replace the honor we had during the war
I don't think it's out there. I don't look anymore

I'm not trying to contrive
I just want to survive
It's hard enough dealing with all of this
Without being thrown into the abyss

Don't send me off to war
Then treat me like a whore
Don't minimize how I feel today
By letting this recognition thing get in the way

David Rose - Vietnam Veteran - Combat Medic