The Line Between Innocence and Immorality

The eyes of innocence are here to see

The brutal acts war brings to me

Served as medic in the war

Involved in task that I abhor

Innocence and immoral don’t mix too well

When thrown into a living hell

David Rose

Stuck on Depression

There are five steps of grief

Stuck on depression could use some relief

Through denial really fast

Long ago it’s in my past

Anger is hanging with me still

Refuse to take another pill

Don’t even know what bargaining is

Skipped it in this tricky biz

Acceptance is where I need to be

Need to get there to be free

David Rose

My Mask

Worn a mask all my life

Concealing my internal strife

Some don’t survive the war

Others come home and hide behind closed door

David Rose

My Past Is Also My Future

Past, present and future

Are all the same for me

PTS my whole life through

No hope can I foresee 

Anxiety, vigilance and anger

Are with me every day

Living with this PTS

I guess it's here to stay

David Rose

Gook Voices

I live in the mountains by choice

It's not very often I hear a voice

Had to go into town today

Went to a show and a buffet

Trying to enjoy my meal in peace

All I could hear was Vietnamese

Picked up and moved to another table 

Hearing that language I felt unstable

I finished and left as soon as I could

Boy was I in the wrong neighborhood

Did something then I rarely do

Attended a show at the Bijou

In the lobby were video games

Shooting a machine gun and throwing flames

I know it's a game but it got my attention

Instantly became a source of tension

In the wilderness is where I belong

Not in town with the Vietcong

Fifty years I still react this way

I guess I can assume it's here to stay

David Rose

My Only Goal

Survived the war without a gun

Now back home I carry one

It's sad I have to live this way

My homeland in the U.S.A.

Today the threat is from within

This type of war is hard to win

We don't know friend from foe

I'd rather be a GI Joe

Panama looks good to me

Like many countries oversea

Well, with the exception of Seoul

A long way from home is my only goal

David Rose

Strong But Fragile

I had a very strong mind

Now it's fragile and sidelined

Reached the top of my profession

Now seclusion is my obsession

Wrote many books just for fun

Now I rarely see anyone

Performed guitar all over the world

Now my life is coming unfurled

Made many laugh from the stage

Now my mind is in a rage

Been to heaven up in the sky

Now I am asking myself why

David Rose

I Became

Drafted from school to military service

I became a conscience objector

No weapon to carry no man would I kill

I became a combat medic

Deployed to Nam to support my brothers

I became an ER medic

Displayed some skills and moved on up

I became a surgeons first assistant

Medics are dead we need more help

I became a dust off medic

Have a special ops to do

I became a go to medic

Tour is over time to go home

I became a soul survivor

Flew back home to see my friends

I became a baby killer

Asked the VA for some help

I became an Oedipus Conflict

Placed me in a therapy group

I became a "no longer a fit"

When our troops came home from Iraq?

I became a cheerleader

David Rose

No Man Comes Home From War

Death and dying all around

Immoral acts the most profound 

You could be the worst of all

Or you could be the Chaps on call

Any heart can plainly see

There is some moral injury

You may survive the war that day

But intrusive thoughts are here to stay

It doesn't matter who you are

All from battle will endure a scar

David Rose

Went To War To Find Love

Warriors are trained to perform a task

Sometimes it's more than we should ask 

There's more than training that powers us

It's love for our brothers that is a big plus

Went to war to find love for their brothers

Maybe more than all the others

Providing security so his platoon could advance

Stormed enemy trench to give them a chance

Killed six snipers plus two more by hand

Sacrificed himself while his platoon made a stand

Lewis Albanese MOH

Close range small arms fire near Cam Lo

In comes a hand grenade ready to blow

Throws his body down to soften the blast

Gave his own life so his brothers will last

James Anderson MOH

During enemy attack, comrade falls in the line of fire

Leaves the safety of his hole, knowing the consequences are dire

Positions himself to protect his friend

Watches the enemy aim knowing it's the end

Oscar Austin MOH

Two men in light aircraft take hit and loose power

Parashoot damaged, can't make the tower

Pilot won't survive but the navigator can

Ditched the plane in water to save the other man

Steven Bennett MOH

Ace Dustoff commander near Chu Lai

Flew into the fog with enemy nearby

Utilized 3 helicopters to evacuate 51

It's hard to comprehend what he had just done

Patrick Bradly MOH

Prisoner of war with the Viet Cong for 3 years

Gave his food and meds to support his peers

Refusing to stray he adhered to the code

Gained respect from the enemy for the valor he showed 

Donald Cook MOH

David Rose

No Death In Vain

Our brothers died so we can be free

Live in happiness is their plea

They want us to live with absolute joy 

It justifies their order to deploy

Living our lives in stressful pain

Wastes a soul who died in vain

I know we endure an ongoing struggle

Sometimes it's more than we can juggle

We owe it to our brothers who died

To let their courage be our guide

David Rose

Protest The War Not The Warrior

Served a year in that damn war

Doing what Uncle Sam called me for

Didn't know the violence stateside

Busy trying to save my own hyde 

Riots on the campus lawn

Students struck with the baton

In the streets were riots a plenty

Not just some there were many

I was sheltered from it all

Working long and taking call

Coming home was another war 

Protesters met me at the shore

Protest the war I'll join you there

Respect the medic I was unaware

I was just doing my job

Outside the wire of my FOB

Now I go welcome them back

Cheer them as they step the tarmac

I want to try to make it right

Our history I seek to rewrite

David Rose

Got To Go - Withdrawal Urgency

Feel I may have to go

Withdrawal effects are starting to show

Pressure rising over time

Anxiety is really starting to climb

The pressure is growing more intense

Destructive tendency doesn't make sense

Actively searching a place of relief

Have to end it is my belief

Got to go, got to go now

Total destruction, doesn't matter how

Don't wet your pants it's messy and rude

Stop your meds and you'll be screwed

Deployed To America

Thought I served my country well

Lucky survivor of that jungle from hell

Didn't want a shaded past

Chose to serve when I was asked

Coming home from that senseless war

Couldn't know what I had in store

Angry protestors threw food on me

Radical act you must agree

Damaged my life that moment in time

As I cleared the food, spit and slime

A personal war began in me

It's clear for all who care to see

Once at home about the same

Friends gave me a lot of shame

Stress so high I started to bleed

Asked for help in my time of need

VA said it all looks good

Shell shock is what they understood

I started to run with nowhere to hide

Couldn't find a doc to confide

All my life I kept so busy

Ran around in an unending tizzy

Couldn't face my feelings then

Intrusive thoughts again and again

Finally I had to seek some support

The VA was my last resort

"PTSD is what fills your head

Take these pills just before bed"

My hands and face all went numb
To these new meds I had just succumb

Tried to stand up but sat right back down

Because my head was spinning 'round

My pressure spiked to 183

How are these pills so good for me

Please just send me back to war

Better than these meds I abhor

300 hours of counseling endured

With no resolution being assured 

Then a diagnosis of oedipus conflict

The deepest wound my Doc could inflict

We medics have a number one rule

"Do no harm" we learned in school

Perhaps the VA should adopt this saying

Might reduce the price that we are paying

Some are hit and lost right away

Some come home and die a little everyday

But there's hope after that lousy war

Therapeutic writing can help us restore

My Chemical Prison

Don't need bars to keep me confined

Meds have already captured my mind

Guards patrol to keep us in jail

Similar effect my meds entail

From prison I'd run but can't get out

Withdrawing these meds can make me shout

I'm not guilty can't you see

But psych meds have a hold on me

The judge said I'd pay for my crime

The doctor prescribed three at bedtime

Prison and meds are both the same

Try to escape you'll loose the game

The Cure For PTS

The rules say to
Toe the line
Get it right
Or pay the fine

1 is heavy
1 is lite
You shouldn't throw
With all your might

Arch it high
To stay on board
Hear the cheers
When you have scored

1 is on
3 is in
Make 15
You will win

There's so much more
That's attractive to me
I think it's called
Team comradery

So do your best
and you could win
Your dainty little crown
Will make us all grin

More than a game
It reduces stress
Could be the cure
For PTS.

Even The Score

Had my VA annual today
Did a CT and an X-ray

My lungs look good my aorta too
My kidney looks like canned beef stew

The doctor said he's concerned a lot
Need to know what made that spot

Ordered another test or two
Need some help to find a clue

Radiology said, "go get in line"
"For six more months you should be fine"

Kidney cancer grows really fast
Six months time I may not last

Now I know why 22 a day
Choose to not live life this way

I felt disposable during the war
Makes me want to even the score

I Know The Way Out

A PTS warrior fell into a well
Being trapped he started to yell

Many people walked by
But no one answered his cry

Finally a lawyer ran past
The warrior had to talk fast

"Will you help me out?"
"Here's my card. I'm on a steady route."

Then a priest heard the warriors plea.
The warrior knew he would be free.

"Will you help me out?" The warrior asked.
He threw down a prayer card as he passed.

The warrior then noticed a doctor walking by.
Surely this man will be my ally.

"Will you help me out?" The warrior said.
The doc threw down a script for two before bed.

The warrior was discouraged and about to quit.
When he noticed a war brother at the top of the pit.

"Can you help me out?" The warrior asked one last time.
"Please help me out of this messy slime."

The warrior on the top jumped into the well too.
"Why did you do that? What's wrong with you?"

"Rest easy my brother. Don't have a doubt.
I've been here before. I know the way out."

Inspired by Gunny Hammer

Chap Calls It Moral Injury

I was raised a conservative lad
Because of the parents that I had

Made good grades all through school
Never forgot the golden rule

Even though I had the knowledge
Goofed a lot was drafted from college

Didn't want to go and fight
But chose to do what was right

Signed in as a conscientious objector
Thought it better than being a defector

Served as medic during the war
In a conflict that I abhor

Too much to ask from a teen aged kid
Unbelievable the missions I did

Ironic my brothers died one by one
When the only survivor didn't carry a gun

50 years later it's still hard to cope
Often I don't feel much hope

My doctors call it PTSD
My chaplain calls it moral injury

It doesn't matter who is wrong or right
Both carry a difficult plight

Reduced To My Knees

Went to Lowe's for a part.
Walked around pushing a cart.

Minding my own business there.
Until I had a big scare.

Walked by an employee working.
No idea a trigger was lurking.

Off went a loud alarm.
I thought I had bought the farm.

My knees went weak.
Flashback at its peak.

Half way to the floor,
I realized it wasn't war.

Too late by then.
Now emotions will begin.

While pulling myself up.
I'm pretty sure I said WTF.

Around the corner I started to cry.
Tears came to my eye.

Couldn't drive and hope to survive.
In a restaurant now until I revive.

It's been fifty years.
Amazing how the war reappears.

This is why I'm a recluse.
I'm a nut case on the loose.

I protect me from them and them from me.
That's just the way it needs to be.