Preventing PTS

Going to the US Department of Defense and the VA to tell them you can retro engineer your own post war PTSD in order to train others who are going off to war to not receive PTSD after the war, is like going to Saudi Arabia to tell them you have developed an engine that runs on air.

"Other"

I had just moved into Florida from Tennessee. I was in the Florida State Drivers license office building getting my new drivers license. The agent called me to her window to process my papers. When I did, a state trooper walked up and stood next to me. I checked. I didn’t have a sign on me that says “crazy combat medic with PTSD”

While the agent was processing my papers we were all three joking around and having fun. I was trying my best to be normal. The agent asked me a few questions and then she asked me for my ethnicity. I said “causation”. She said “ No. I don’t have an option for that”. I said ”US Citizen, American, White, Disabled War Veteran. The agent said “No. I don’t have options for any of those. I will have to list your ethnicity as “Other”.

The trooper and I stopped talking. I did not raise my voice, but very firmly I said to the agent “listen, I am a member of the Sioux Nation, I am a member of the Mayflower Society, my great grandfather was an officer in the Civil War, my son is currently an officer in the US Air Force, I served in Vietnam and am 100% disabled from the war, I own property in this country and I was born in this country. You’re not going to list me as other.”

About that time a security officer and a city police officer surrounded me with the trooper and the three of them escorted me out to the parking lot. They were very nice, thanked me for my service and all three shook my hand. They suggested I try coming back tomorrow to conduct my business.

I was so triggered out I think I was seeing red. I stood dumbfounded in the parking lot for maybe an hour in the rain. I couldn’t drive. I finally drove a short distance to a restaurant so I could sit and wind down. Please just send me back to the war.

One More Orbit

decades of stress from that damn war
couldn’t escape from all that gore

decided to make this orbit my last
asked my God to please think fast

He opened some ops to help my brothers
offering me hope by mentoring others

Conscientious Objector

didn't carry a weapon in war
but all of that changed
when I hit my homeland shore

David Rose

Blood On My DD 214

served as medic in that damn war
still not sure what we fought for
did a lot to save my brothers
even saved some of the others

stopping the bleeding was my main job
a lot to lose with each heart throb
grew up fast and learned a lot
had to make the bleeding clot

still have nightmares to this day
seems I can not get away
the cries and screams I heard so loud
hang around as a big dark cloud

destined to live my life with stress
my fate was sealed when I ETS
a nasty curse I should have foreseen
when blood was spilled on my 214

bloody papers I carry through life
a reminder of my wartime strife
like giving me the boot as I walk out the door
painful memories to my very core

David Rose

PTSD Veterans Administration Cartoons

Our Guiding Light

Let the courage 

of our fallen warriors 

be our guiding light;

as we live a joyful, 

free life, else our 

protectors death 

be in vain.

Transformation

During the war,

I transformed 

into an

unrecognizable

version of my 

former self.

PTSD Veterans Administration Cartoons

The Line Between Innocence and Immorality

The eyes of innocence are here to see

The brutal acts war brings to me

Served as medic in the war

Involved in task that I abhor

Innocence and immoral don’t mix too well

When thrown into a living hell

David Rose

Stuck on Depression

There are five steps of grief

Stuck on depression could use some relief

Through denial really fast

Long ago it’s in my past

Anger is hanging with me still

Refuse to take another pill

Don’t even know what bargaining is

Skipped it in this tricky biz

Acceptance is where I need to be

Need to get there to be free

David Rose

My Mask

Worn a mask all my life

Concealing my internal strife

Some don’t survive the war

Others come home and hide behind closed door

David Rose

My Past Is Also My Future

Past, present and future

Are all the same for me

PTS my whole life through

No hope can I foresee 

Anxiety, vigilance and anger

Are with me every day

Living with this PTS

I guess it's here to stay

David Rose

Gook Voices

I live in the mountains by choice

It's not very often I hear a voice

Had to go into town today

Went to a show and a buffet

Trying to enjoy my meal in peace

All I could hear was Vietnamese

Picked up and moved to another table 

Hearing that language I felt unstable

I finished and left as soon as I could

Boy was I in the wrong neighborhood

Did something then I rarely do

Attended a show at the Bijou

In the lobby were video games

Shooting a machine gun and throwing flames

I know it's a game but it got my attention

Instantly became a source of tension

In the wilderness is where I belong

Not in town with the Vietcong

Fifty years I still react this way

I guess I can assume it's here to stay

David Rose

My Only Goal

Survived the war without a gun

Now back home I carry one

It's sad I have to live this way

My homeland in the U.S.A.

Today the threat is from within

This type of war is hard to win

We don't know friend from foe

I'd rather be a GI Joe

Panama looks good to me

Like many countries oversea

Well, with the exception of Seoul

A long way from home is my only goal

David Rose

Strong But Fragile

I had a very strong mind

Now it's fragile and sidelined

Reached the top of my profession

Now seclusion is my obsession

Wrote many books just for fun

Now I rarely see anyone

Performed guitar all over the world

Now my life is coming unfurled

Made many laugh from the stage

Now my mind is in a rage

Been to heaven up in the sky

Now I am asking myself why

David Rose

I Became

Drafted from school to military service

I became a conscience objector

No weapon to carry no man would I kill

I became a combat medic

Deployed to Nam to support my brothers

I became an ER medic

Displayed some skills and moved on up

I became a surgeons first assistant

Medics are dead we need more help

I became a dust off medic

Have a special ops to do

I became a go to medic

Tour is over time to go home

I became a soul survivor

Flew back home to see my friends

I became a baby killer

Asked the VA for some help

I became an Oedipus Conflict

Placed me in a therapy group

I became a "no longer a fit"

When our troops came home from Iraq?

I became a cheerleader

David Rose

No Man Comes Home From War

Death and dying all around

Immoral acts the most profound 

You could be the worst of all

Or you could be the Chaps on call

Any heart can plainly see

There is some moral injury

You may survive the war that day

But intrusive thoughts are here to stay

It doesn't matter who you are

All from battle will endure a scar

David Rose

Went To War To Find Love

Warriors are trained to perform a task

Sometimes it's more than we should ask 

There's more than training that powers us

It's love for our brothers that is a big plus

Went to war to find love for their brothers

Maybe more than all the others

Providing security so his platoon could advance

Stormed enemy trench to give them a chance

Killed six snipers plus two more by hand

Sacrificed himself while his platoon made a stand

Lewis Albanese MOH

Close range small arms fire near Cam Lo

In comes a hand grenade ready to blow

Throws his body down to soften the blast

Gave his own life so his brothers will last

James Anderson MOH

During enemy attack, comrade falls in the line of fire

Leaves the safety of his hole, knowing the consequences are dire

Positions himself to protect his friend

Watches the enemy aim knowing it's the end

Oscar Austin MOH

Two men in light aircraft take hit and loose power

Parashoot damaged, can't make the tower

Pilot won't survive but the navigator can

Ditched the plane in water to save the other man

Steven Bennett MOH

Ace Dustoff commander near Chu Lai

Flew into the fog with enemy nearby

Utilized 3 helicopters to evacuate 51

It's hard to comprehend what he had just done

Patrick Bradly MOH

Prisoner of war with the Viet Cong for 3 years

Gave his food and meds to support his peers

Refusing to stray he adhered to the code

Gained respect from the enemy for the valor he showed 

Donald Cook MOH

David Rose

No Death In Vain

Our brothers died so we can be free

Live in happiness is their plea

They want us to live with absolute joy 

It justifies their order to deploy

Living our lives in stressful pain

Wastes a soul who died in vain

I know we endure an ongoing struggle

Sometimes it's more than we can juggle

We owe it to our brothers who died

To let their courage be our guide

David Rose