Protest The War Not The Warrior

Served a year in that damn war

Doing what Uncle Sam called me for

Didn't know the violence stateside

Busy trying to save my own hyde 

Riots on the campus lawn

Students struck with the baton

In the streets were riots a plenty

Not just some there were many

I was sheltered from it all

Working long and taking call

Coming home was another war 

Protesters met me at the shore

Protest the war I'll join you there

Respect the medic I was unaware

I was just doing my job

Outside the wire of my FOB

Now I go welcome them back

Cheer them as they step the tarmac

I want to try to make it right

Our history I seek to rewrite

David Rose

Got To Go - Withdrawal Urgency

Feel I may have to go

Withdrawal effects are starting to show

Pressure rising over time

Anxiety is really starting to climb

The pressure is growing more intense

Destructive tendency doesn't make sense

Actively searching a place of relief

Have to end it is my belief

Got to go, got to go now

Total destruction, doesn't matter how

Don't wet your pants it's messy and rude

Stop your meds and you'll be screwed

Deployed To America

Thought I served my country well

Lucky survivor of that jungle from hell

Didn't want a shaded past

Chose to serve when I was asked

Coming home from that senseless war

Couldn't know what I had in store

Angry protestors threw food on me

Radical act you must agree

Damaged my life that moment in time

As I cleared the food, spit and slime

A personal war began in me

It's clear for all who care to see

Once at home about the same

Friends gave me a lot of shame

Stress so high I started to bleed

Asked for help in my time of need

VA said it all looks good

Shell shock is what they understood

I started to run with nowhere to hide

Couldn't find a doc to confide

All my life I kept so busy

Ran around in an unending tizzy

Couldn't face my feelings then

Intrusive thoughts again and again

Finally I had to seek some support

The VA was my last resort

"PTSD is what fills your head

Take these pills just before bed"

My hands and face all went numb
To these new meds I had just succumb

Tried to stand up but sat right back down

Because my head was spinning 'round

My pressure spiked to 183

How are these pills so good for me

Please just send me back to war

Better than these meds I abhor

300 hours of counseling endured

With no resolution being assured 

Then a diagnosis of oedipus conflict

The deepest wound my Doc could inflict

We medics have a number one rule

"Do no harm" we learned in school

Perhaps the VA should adopt this saying

Might reduce the price that we are paying

Some are hit and lost right away

Some come home and die a little everyday

But there's hope after that lousy war

Therapeutic writing can help us restore

My Chemical Prison

Don't need bars to keep me confined

Meds have already captured my mind

Guards patrol to keep us in jail

Similar effect my meds entail

From prison I'd run but can't get out

Withdrawing these meds can make me shout

I'm not guilty can't you see

But psych meds have a hold on me

The judge said I'd pay for my crime

The doctor prescribed three at bedtime

Prison and meds are both the same

Try to escape you'll loose the game

The Cure For PTS

The rules say to
Toe the line
Get it right
Or pay the fine

1 is heavy
1 is lite
You shouldn't throw
With all your might

Arch it high
To stay on board
Hear the cheers
When you have scored

1 is on
3 is in
Make 15
You will win

There's so much more
That's attractive to me
I think it's called
Team comradery

So do your best
and you could win
Your dainty little crown
Will make us all grin

More than a game
It reduces stress
Could be the cure
For PTS.

Even The Score

Had my VA annual today
Did a CT and an X-ray

My lungs look good my aorta too
My kidney looks like canned beef stew

The doctor said he's concerned a lot
Need to know what made that spot

Ordered another test or two
Need some help to find a clue

Radiology said, "go get in line"
"For six more months you should be fine"

Kidney cancer grows really fast
Six months time I may not last

Now I know why 22 a day
Choose to not live life this way

I felt disposable during the war
Makes me want to even the score

I Know The Way Out

A PTS warrior fell into a well
Being trapped he started to yell

Many people walked by
But no one answered his cry

Finally a lawyer ran past
The warrior had to talk fast

"Will you help me out?"
"Here's my card. I'm on a steady route."

Then a priest heard the warriors plea.
The warrior knew he would be free.

"Will you help me out?" The warrior asked.
He threw down a prayer card as he passed.

The warrior then noticed a doctor walking by.
Surely this man will be my ally.

"Will you help me out?" The warrior said.
The doc threw down a script for two before bed.

The warrior was discouraged and about to quit.
When he noticed a war brother at the top of the pit.

"Can you help me out?" The warrior asked one last time.
"Please help me out of this messy slime."

The warrior on the top jumped into the well too.
"Why did you do that? What's wrong with you?"

"Rest easy my brother. Don't have a doubt.
I've been here before. I know the way out."

Inspired by Gunny Hammer

Chap Calls It Moral Injury

I was raised a conservative lad
Because of the parents that I had

Made good grades all through school
Never forgot the golden rule

Even though I had the knowledge
Goofed a lot was drafted from college

Didn't want to go and fight
But chose to do what was right

Signed in as a conscientious objector
Thought it better than being a defector

Served as medic during the war
In a conflict that I abhor

Too much to ask from a teen aged kid
Unbelievable the missions I did

Ironic my brothers died one by one
When the only survivor didn't carry a gun

50 years later it's still hard to cope
Often I don't feel much hope

My doctors call it PTSD
My chaplain calls it moral injury

It doesn't matter who is wrong or right
Both carry a difficult plight

Reduced To My Knees

Went to Lowe's for a part.
Walked around pushing a cart.

Minding my own business there.
Until I had a big scare.

Walked by an employee working.
No idea a trigger was lurking.

Off went a loud alarm.
I thought I had bought the farm.

My knees went weak.
Flashback at its peak.

Half way to the floor,
I realized it wasn't war.

Too late by then.
Now emotions will begin.

While pulling myself up.
I'm pretty sure I said WTF.

Around the corner I started to cry.
Tears came to my eye.

Couldn't drive and hope to survive.
In a restaurant now until I revive.

It's been fifty years.
Amazing how the war reappears.

This is why I'm a recluse.
I'm a nut case on the loose.

I protect me from them and them from me.
That's just the way it needs to be. 

My Bucket "Fucket" List

• I have PTSD. Fucket!
• I have Agent Orange Diabetes. Fucket!
• I have sexual dysfunction. Fucket!
• I can't feel my legs. Fucket!
• My arms are going numb too. Fucket!
• I have right ulna nerve pain. Fucket!
• I have flashbacks and nightmares. Fucket!
• I function best in complete isolation. Fucket!

Feel The Steel

I could never comprehend it
How anyone could decide to quit
It's the ultimate of depression
And the final digression

There's always been another path
To avoid this deadly wrath
Until just the other day
When I was ready to die away

I could feel the steel
In my hand so real
My finger on the trigger
To pull it with vigor

I didn't have a gun on me
Or a rope to hang from a tree
But the desire was so real
I was ready to seal the deal

How could it go this far
My thoughts were so bizarre
I slept on it over night
And avoided that deadly plight

I added up everything wrong with me
Decided that was somebody I didn't want to be
It was no longer worth being alive
With my health taking such a dive

The Wall

Visited The Wall for the first time today
Walked it for a minute but couldn't stay

Realized it was built underground
And there were gooks standing all around

Ironic to visit the memorial of my war
Then hear the language of the enemy I abhor

This is my country and my war isn't it?
Having the enemy here is not a good fit

I didn't know quite what to expect
But I never dreamed I'd object

Rewired

My brain has been rewired they say

Not the man I was back in the day

Seems there’s this amygdala section

That exists for my protection

All my junk is stored in there

It reminds me to beware

I’m different than I used to be

All because of this PTSD

Sometimes my circuits overload

My brain no longer meets code

I tried meds but they don’t work

Sometimes I think I’m going berserk

Can’t sleep much at night

I wake up in a fright

Is the amygdala vital for life

Let’s remove it to avoid this strife

Don't want to trip the master breaker
That would mean I've met my maker

22 vets each day flip their master switch
Their circuits hit a major glitch

Strategic Military Planning

The definition of strategic military planning is to build a VA clinic and PTSD counseling center directly under the final approach to a military air base where C-130's and jets are flying final approach at 300 feet overhead.

Veteran PTSD Prayer

Lord, grant me the strength
to accept the things I cannot change, 
the courage to change the things 
I can and the friends to post my bail 
when I snap and go sideways.

Motel California

Since some dance to remember
And some dance to forget

Then I medicate to forget
Just like every Vietnam Vet

I Live In A Cave

When I was young and running
I built a big log home that was stunning

Now that I'm older and crazy
I live in a cave and emotions are hazy

My Bucket List

For many of us seniors who still exist
A lot of us have a long bucket list
I've already had experiences is my decree
But my list rhymes with bucket, you see

Like...

• I won't try any more of your crazy meds. Bucket!
• I may eventually be one of the 22 each day. Bucket!
• I don't have enough reserve energy for romance anymore. Bucket!
• I'm going to live in a cave. Bucket!
• I can't think of any more right now. Bucket!

Uncomfortable Close

If I can hear your mortars
going down the tube,
you are getting too close to me.

The 7 VA Rules By Which We Live

Rule #1: The VA doctors and staff are always right.

Rule #2: When the VA staff ask how you’re doing, just grunt.

Rule #3: High powered VA doctors will diagnose you, but a high school drop out will evaluate your claim.

Rule #4: The VA staff will receive a pay check whether they assist you or not.

Rule #5: The VA staff don’t have to be polite or respectful, because there is no competition.

Rule #6: If VA staff did answer a question, the answer is probably outdated by now.

Rule #7: If a doctor or the VA staff is wrong about anything, see Rule #1.